dear diarrhea

Shatter

2009-08-23T14:34:00.000-07:00

I was staring at this blank page for about 10 mins before I came up with something to write. I don't even know how to start, and for a second I was thinking why would someone like you care about my rants when in this world, there is so much more important matters for discussion? To tell you honestly, I don't know. And I don't even care. I just wanted something to purge out my emotions than the usual crying and binge eating then throwing up after. I don't have a cig in my purse since I decided to ditch the vice 5 months ago. I have relapses but I don't crave for it like a mad man running around naked.

Across from where I was sitting were kids playing football. While hearing Zsa Zsa Padilla on TV answering the question about marriage with Dolphy, I wonder what life is for those kids if I ever tried asking them that question. Coz maybe, just maybe I would find a simple reason to move on. And maybe I would realize happiness could be found simply by kicking balls. (Pun intended)

I wish I was young again. Where life is much simpler and love was defined by shower of toys and candies, where object permanence would sneak away your fears. I miss you...

"Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."

Kahlil Gibran

This bothers me

2009-06-14T00:36:00.000-07:00

Ok so here's the deal. My boyfriend limited the time I get to spend with my friends to the point I realized how ridiculous this set up is, I will have to laugh.

I always ended up sitting at home watching tv, memorizing every commercial line there is and basically growing out of it. This made me feel like I'm the most isolated person in the world and I REALLY can't fuckin' deal with this anymore.

2009-04-19T18:37:00.000-07:00

The harder I try to get hold onto it, the more it slips through my fingers. So live it up today cause there may be not enough tomorrows.

2009-04-17T16:16:00.000-07:00

When things doesn't fall exactly the way you want them to be, persons, individuals, humans, mortals or just human beings in general tend to dive into a situation where one feels safe and at ease long until they can manage to get out from it and take chances again.

Mga Payo ni Ama't Ina

2009-04-16T16:40:00.000-07:00

Question: Can love change oneself?

"Well the question is do you think one would be willing to change for love? Because no one could change someone. When you're committed to a person you are committed to himself, meaning the whole of the person bad or good. It'll be impossible to change someone for love or someone to change for love. The answer is no. Maybe this help...

Love is patient and kind; Love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. (1 Cor. 13:4-8)"

Love: Mom

"Ikaw kapag nasa sasakyan ka, wag kang samlang! Wala ka nang ginawa kundi mangulangot tapos kung san-san mo lang naman pinipitik!

Nagmamahal: Tatay Mo

2009-04-11T21:33:00.001-07:00

Gusto ko na mag beach. Hindi ko alam kung anong meron sa beach dahil sobra ang fascination ko dito. Gusto ko ang idea na kapag lumabas ka ng bahay na naka bra at panty, bastos kang tao. Pero kapag nasa beach ka at naka two peace o topless ka na parang brazilian hoe, okay lang. Sa beach pakiramdam ko malaya ako sa lahat, walang pwedeng pumigil sayo kase malawak ang shore. Gets mo? Ako kase hinde e. Basta kung ano man ang meron sa beach, gusto ko yun! Sabayan mo ng katahimikan habang pinapakinggan ang soundtrack ng buhay mo. Tulad nito:

If I ever loose my faith in you - Sting
All I want is you - U2
Aint no sunshine - Bill Withers
By your side - Sade
Feelin Love- Paula Cole
Tiny Dancer - Elton John
One Good man - Janis Joplin
Glory Box - Portishead
Dirty Girl - Felt
Cleva - Erykah Badu
Son of a preacher man - Dusty Springfield

Ahhhhhh....

Comfort Zone

2009-04-11T21:22:00.000-07:00

Eto ang pinaka aasam ko ngayon sa buhay ko. Ang maging komportable sa kinatatayuan ko sa mundo, sa mga tao sa paligid ko. Ang masanay sa kultura na hindi ko nakasanayan at nakalakihan. Ang tumancha ng tao at makibagay na hindi naman dapat mahirap gawin. Ang mag isip bago mag salita. Ang bumanat ng walang ka effort effort na joke. Kelangan makibagay dahil hindi lang ikaw o ako ang tao sa mundo. Masaya magkaron ng kaibigan, at nakakasira ng ulo pag wala ka nito.

Comfort Zone. Bow.

2009-04-11T21:11:00.001-07:00

Akala ko iba ang lahat pagdating sa bansang emerika. Nagpunta kase kame sa Philippine Embassy sa Washington para mag renew ng passport ang erpats at ninang ko, at ako para manumpa bilang nurse. Pagkatapos ng limang oras na pagkakaupo sa sasakyan, nakarating din kame sa tinatawag na DC. Matapos naming matancha kung alin ang embahada ng Pilipinas, naghanap kame ng parking. Ayun, merong isang spot. Sige, park then go. Akala ko it would only take 30 minutes or so para sa pagrerenew and the rest of the day para mag explore. Pero hinde, it took us all day to stand in the line, waiting for the papers to be approved then 2 hours nang pag eexplore. Akala ko magiging iba ang lahat, pero hindi pala. Then I realized, once your pinoy, pinoy ka all the way kahit nasan ka man. May nadukutan pa nga sa pila e.. Walang ka siste-sistema amputangina! Nakakairita! I was the last person to take the oath. Worth it naman kase akala ko hindi ako makakapag oath dahil sa lecheng kulang na papeles na hawak ko. Buti na lang madiskarte ang mga kasama ko, at totoo na importante sa buhay ang "connections".

Sweet...

2009-04-11T19:33:00.000-07:00

Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako ganto, gumagawa ng sariling multo. Ako na ata ang pinaka komplikadong tao na nakilala ko. Dahil jan, kampay mga pare ko!

What's up with the rhyming yo?

A la Twitter

2009-03-24T23:49:00.000-07:00

It's the same old shit after all.

Pisces

2009-03-23T17:32:00.001-07:00

No matter how strong your opinions are, you need to be open to change right now.

Aysows

2009-03-13T17:47:00.000-07:00

Putangina tiklop all day long!!!!

Yay!

2009-03-13T15:25:00.001-07:00

I'm in for the second interview!

My Life So Far

2009-03-03T17:23:00.000-08:00

After spending stressful hours writing my resume, I finally snagged an interview for a "more serious" job come this friday afternoon. If I get this job then I can eventually get my career a little off the ground and maybe (just maybe) quit the wonderful world of retail.

Just so everybody knows, I work for an all-American retail store called A&F where I spend most of my 5 hours neatly folding clothes plus making sure I greeted EVERY customer with their "Hey, what's goin on?" tag-line. And when I say every, this means even if they come in group, each and e-v-e-r-y person in that group should receive the tag-line.

Hey what's goin on?????

If you're wondering how they come up with that, I DON'T KNOW...

Books

2009-02-08T19:07:00.000-08:00

Na mimiss ko na ang mga books na naiwan ko sa Pinas. These are all I got when I came here. Nag window shopping ako ng mga books nung isang araw and to my surprise, the cheap ones are actually hard bounded! I dont see paperbacks that much pero mas okay na rin pag hard bound, hindi sila masyado maluluma. But then again, as to my theory, paperbacks tend to give more "character" to the book kase nga naluluma sila agad and it kinda gives out an idea that you truly read, understand and absorbed the book's content up to its very core. Shet ang bigat! Sirain na lang natin ang libro kung ganon. Hahaha.. Me and my crazy ideas....

I accidentally shook the camera when I was shooting this. Mukha namang maganda ang kinalabasan, parang the picture is trying to make sa statement that goes like this: "thoughts flying"

Naks!!!

don't read this piece o'shit

2009-02-07T21:14:00.000-08:00

sleeping pills. the only thing that stopped me from thinking too much at bedtime. suddenly my brain feels like dozing off after taking just one. but there are times when i feel the need to take more than just that. i call them urges. unnecessary urges that feel like it is badly needed to be done. so why bother calling them unnecessary if it is badly needed? should i say nonessential instead? or unwanted? maybe optional. thats it. optional. its up for me to choose. but if there are no choices why fuckin bother pick out one? im not making any sense but this is my brain speaking after devouring two.

Enough Said

2009-02-05T11:57:00.000-08:00

If there would be one person in this world whom I'd like to have a conversation with over a cup of coffee (maybe two), it would be none other than Kahlil Gibran himself, a person everyone regarded as an inspired teacher of the will of God. If you've read The Prophet which happens to be my favorite book, then I already made myself understood.

Ilabas Mo Shet!

2009-01-22T23:41:00.001-08:00

This song speaks for itself...

Love, love

You make me feel like a sticky pistil...
leading into a stamen
You make me feel like a mister sunshine...
Himself
You make me feel like splendor in the grass...
By the road and...
Damn skippy baby
You make me feel like the Amazon's runnin' between...
my thighs

CHORUS:

You make me feel love, love, love, love, love
love, love, love, love, love
You make me feel love, love, love, love, love
love, love, love, love

You make me feel like a candy apple
Red and horny
You make me feel like I wanna be a dumb blonde
In a centerfold, the girl next door
And I would open the door and...
I'd be all wet
With my tits soaking through this tiny little t-shirt...
That I'm wearing
And you would open the door and tie...
Me up to the bed

Chorus

Lover, I don't know who I am
Am I Barry White? Am I Isis?
Lover, I'm laced with your unconscious
Oh baby babe babe baby
I will be your Desdemona ahhhhh...

Take your time...

You make me feel Ahaa
You make me feel WooWoo baby
You make me feel Ahaa mmm
You make me feel loved

Need I say more?

For Better or For Worse

2009-01-18T16:31:00.001-08:00

Some things hurt more than you think they could. These could be words, actions or yourself. Furthermore, I will never try to make excuses for who I am or for what I did and what I said. Even though it hurts everyday of my life just having this emotional development appropriate for someone younger than my age, I know there's a lot more to me than just that. People grow anyways, for sure I would never do any different. Haha.

My home made depletion

2009-01-15T15:45:00.000-08:00

How come questions are still left when all answers have been laid? How can you let go when you're too damaged to move on? Im trapped by my own thoughts about life and love that answers alone are not enough. I still need the urge to realize. The need to understand. The hunger to satisfy my own awareness beyond its limit, to grasp everything until I can't take it anymore.

... for we are two souls brought together by authentic love, the kind that builds and breaks all at the same time.

Whens and Stills

2009-01-06T22:41:00.000-08:00

when things doesn't go on smoothly like it's supposed to
when your words turn sour
when it is pointless to say anything more
when everything just doest seem right
i will still hold your hand
i will still kiss your lips
i will still listen to your every word
i will still be your love

Chapter 2

2009-01-06T22:05:00.001-08:00

The Prophet

by Kahlil Gibran

Then said Almitra, "Speak to us of Love."
And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them. And with a great voice he said:

When love beckons to you follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.
All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.
When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

This is something I always read when things get difficult and when I'm trying my best to hold on.

2008-12-31T04:13:00.000-08:00

point blank

Tarot Card

2008-12-26T09:45:00.001-08:00

You are The Lovers

Motive, power, and action, arising from Inspiration and Impulse.

The Lovers represents intuition and inspiration. Very often a choice needs to be made.

Originally, this card was called just LOVE. And that's actually more apt than "Lovers." Love follows in this sequence of growth and maturity. And, coming after the Emperor, who is about control, it is a radical change in perspective. LOVE is a force that makes you choose and decide for reasons you often can't understand; it makes you surrender control to a higher power. And that is what this card is all about. Finding something or someone who is so much a part of yourself, so perfectly attuned to you and you to them, that you cannot, dare not resist. This card indicates that the you have or will come across a person, career, challenge or thing that you will fall in love with. You will know instinctively that you must have this, even if it means diverging from your chosen path. No matter the difficulties, without it you will never be complete.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

looseness of association

2008-11-30T20:33:00.000-08:00

agoraphobia.eskalith.calcium edta.carunculae mysteformes.vernix caseosa.all copd caused by smoking.infection priority for burns.esprit de corp.respondent superior.30 lbs pregnancy weight gain.egg nog high in protein.all increase/decrease except weight and menses.hazy vision for cataract.halos around light for glaucoma.mas matimbang ang dugo.always provide safety.screening for syphillis every 6 weeks. gonorrhea every 2 weeks.IMCI.dysentery.worth and dignity of man.its painful.carbachol and atrophine sulfate.regular first.iddm and niddm.nausea and vomitting.ritalin.quickening and ballotement.increased icp.catatonic all day.paxil.its finally over.darna.

Inamorato

2008-11-10T01:00:00.000-08:00

bind me down
just like in tradition
we will live together
loving you forever and ever

Ponder

2008-11-01T02:58:00.000-07:00

There's nothing wrong in making mistakes. What's wrong is letting it stay as a mistake without the effort of making it right.

Baby!

2008-10-15T04:28:00.000-07:00

After a night of pleasure and several months of pain, here she is now. Upon her arrival, please genuflect.
Macey Adeline O. Mercadoodiba ang taray!!!

A Lifetime

2008-09-21T06:46:00.000-07:00

Been around so many people,
without you I'm always alone
gazing into space, my existence unknown
I don't want to be here, I wanna be near
I stand on my feet, because I am yeah
took the risk the chance just to understand
well I been cold, bold, selfish, misunderstood
like the lamb I will sacrifice to find you
A Lifetime - Ziggy Marley

Lying Liar

2008-09-13T08:15:00.000-07:00

Have you come a point where lies had already become a part of you? So much so that your boyfriend thinks on a regular basis that fibbing is what you constantly do, even when you're actually telling the truth. Like everything that has ever been told to him by you are nothing but lies. fibs. craps. bullshits. and some more bullshits. Not a good feeling. Trust me. Trust me. TRUST ME GODDAMMIT!

Nasty

2008-09-11T05:06:00.000-07:00

I had vomited from smoking. This wasn't the first time since I started hitting the vice, and never failed to happen after puffing one.. and then some. So after hurling pretty much everything from my stomach down the drain, I feel normal again. I didnt feel sick or anything. I had simply vomited and that was all. I felt great. A little smoke, a little vomit, just even. My mind was perfectly clear to light up another one. Saraaaaaaaap...

By the way, don't tell a smoker that smoking is bad. Newsflash: We already know. Smoking can kill us and we are fine with that. Furthermore, we don't care. WE JUST DON'T.

Hmmmm

2008-09-10T23:52:00.000-07:00

There are endless reasons to live, and endless reasons not to live. Endless reasons for giving reasons. But in this world where love and hate had become a single entity, our existence is our own reason.

Don't Hate Me, Im Just Bitchin'

2008-09-10T02:01:00.000-07:00

Why is everybody reading Stephenie Meyer's Twilight???

Honestly, I feel guilty for reading Harry Potter, I guess Im not much of a series fan.

Don't get me wrong here, Im not saying they weren't interesting. I like the story and its every twists and turns, it's just that I don't like how everybody gets crazy over it. Maybe because of the twists and turns? Man, whatever.

We all got our own taste anyway. As for me, I'd rather stay with the classics, those that come in soft bounds. Ayun yuneh!

Extreme Oddities

2008-09-09T01:52:00.000-07:00

Im narrow minded my brain closed off, then I became so open minded it just fell out.

Death

2008-09-07T08:35:00.000-07:00

I should be stuDYING at the moment, for real. But I still somehow managed to stay home and squeeze myself in a good lit. Mas gusto ko sila basahin dahil nakukuha nila interes ko kesa magbasa ng kung anong academic book. Wala akong pakelam kung nasaan ang medulla oblongata, kung para saan ang vernix casoesa at alam ko kung nasaan ang location ng clitoris day one pa lang. Studying ends in the word dying, and slowly leads to it. Period.

Figure Out This Sheisse

2008-09-04T09:07:00.000-07:00

Naliliitan ako sa mundo ko. Nabababawan ako sa sarili ko. May hinahanap ako pero hindi ko naman alam kung nasaan at kung ano ang potanginangto. Minumulto ako ng sarili kong utak, sabi nya saken "boo!" May gusto syang ipagawa, pina-pa-paling nya ulo ko sa kaliwa't kanan. Sabi nya, since type ko naman daw magpakulot, why not dreads na lang? Tapos lagi nya ko ginigising sa kalagitnaan ng tulog ko, mag yosi daw ako at mag usap daw ulit kame. At take note, nag eenglish pa sya huh. Scary. Habang nag tutubrush ako kagabi, umilaw yung bumbilya sa banyo. Ngayon, dito sa mundong mababaw, malinaw na saken kung ano kinakatakutan ko: ang sarili ko at ang mga bagay na kaya kong gawin. Patay tayo jan... Thank you bumbilya, ikaw na bago kong bespren. Basta basta basta! Ang alam ko lang ayoko sa makikitid, mahirap sila bigyan ng eksplanasyon e. Kung ano man yon, yun na yon. Sorry ka kung di mo maintindihan. Ok ok? Apir.

Isang bagay lang na makakahuli sa kiliti ko, bibigay ako. Sa ngayon hindi pa, bukas makalawa posible na. Gets mo? Ako kase hindi e.

May heaven forbid na lang siguro.

Drowing

2008-09-03T08:34:00.000-07:00

Naknampota its Steve Aoki ohh..

Ano ginagawa nyan sa nokbuk ko?

Nachos

2008-09-02T12:16:00.000-07:00

I was about to dine with my friends when we came across this guy. He sure looks familiar and I think I know him from somewhere. So I called him up by the name I believe he still uses these days. And its affirmative when he lifted his head from the book he was reading. He's my highschool friend, Jayson. So Jayson and I chatted for awhile while my friends are busy fitting their butts on the best chair we could possibly sit in. After they found the perfect spot, I left Jayson with his book and let him do what he always does best, studying. I remember him as a smart guy, and he was in our school band. Not to be mistaken as a dweeb, though. So while my friends and I are already having a conversation, we didnt notice we were all over the place. Boy we were loud. Poor jayson has to leave cause I think he cant sort of concentrate. Man I feel sorry for him. But the guys really nice to even surprise us with nachos, salsa and melted cheese atop. Too bad we werent able to thank him. So thank you Jayson for the nachos! Those were really good. And my friend thinks youre nice. Uuuy lablayp!

Guru Guruhan

2008-09-02T08:37:00.000-07:00

Ano yung isang bagay na makakapagpasaya sayo habang buhay? Siguro yung love, unkondisyunal, yung masarap, yung may halong libog. Eh diba lahat ng tao nagbabago? Panu kung in the long run mag grow out ka sa love? Well that's a different story. Siguro it's not love at all if you did grow out of it. I mean you shouldn't grow out of love diba, kase in the first place it's fucking LOVE. Love in the beginning and in the end it will always be the same thing. But it can intensify right? Yes it can. Think about this baket may mga nakikita pa rin akong mga lolo at lola na magka holding hands sa mall kahit tuyo na puke nila? Kahit wala nang libog it can always be love. I second third forth that. Apir men. Pakpakboomboom!

Let It Slide

2008-09-01T02:32:00.000-07:00

About me putting some friends on my list and fighting over that just doesnt feel right. Dont make a big fuss about it, its just myspace for crissakes. I know you're all fed up with my craps and Im sorry if I keep on messing up. Yea that might sound overrated and wont make things all better but you have to forgive me. You know things wont be so complicated if we just get it over and done with.

Celebrate

2008-08-31T05:11:00.000-07:00

My cousin's birthday is coming up. It's been 19 years since she came out from a vagina and as for me, its 22 sweet years of being closer to death. Think about this: Birthdays are just basically celebrating the fact that you havnt died within the past year. And also a great excuse to give yourself a shameless cry if you want to.

I cant believe its September already. 3 months nearer to getting myself judged as a human being and eventually get doomed. Its making me crazy. The thought of it. I just want a beer and forget about all this. Seriously.

DWAI

2008-08-29T22:20:00.000-07:00

add nyo mga brownsthey got a lot of good shit goin on

Screwed and Blued

2008-08-28T02:45:00.000-07:00

Children are the luckiest spawns to ever grace this planet and thats an overstatement. You see, they couldnt do anything wrong, and even if they did, those big freaky eyes will always tell you theyre innocent. Oh well.. I understand theyre not human yet and still in the process of growing to be one someday. I hope.

and so my heart bled..

Cussations

2008-08-26T20:58:00.000-07:00

I know Ive been cussing a lot lately, letting them all out uncontrollably and dropping the F bomb whenever I feel like it. That has been a casual day to day activity for me. I remember hearing my father always saying something inappropriate when I was a kid, and now Im becoming him and that scares me. I try not to do that whenever my little cousin is around and it works for me, its just that Im not with her 24 hours a day so fuck it.

Kwentong Chong Kid atbp

2008-08-26T00:57:00.001-07:00

Lahat na lang ng gamit ko nasira: Noon aircon. Kanina cellphone. Ngayon laptop. Ano next, camera? Pagkatapos ng camera, ano, buhay ko na? Tsk.

I marked my battery with that so I can get my message across the repair guy. He offered me a deal and it was shady. I didn't like it, so this goes straight to you man. A simple and clear FUCKYOUTANGINAMOHUDASKA!

Venue: Kapihan
Magkakasama nga pala kame ng mga kaibigan ko nung isang araw. Napag usapan namin tungkol sa mga ex. Syempre nilait na naman namin sila.

yung manboobs ni blank
yung gay potential ni blank
yung size Baguio keychain ni blank
ang pagiging bayot nilang lahat
at kung pano sila mamamatay

Bitter? Hindi naman, yun lang paboritong gawin namin pampalipas oras kapag tumatambay kame sa paboritong kapihan.

Inom ng kape tapos tawa.
Hithit ng yosi. Sige, tawa pa.
Buga tapos mas malakas pang tawa.

WAHAHAHA!

Lakas na naman ng trip. Parang bagong tirang chong kid.

Pag sawa na kame kakatawa, umuuwi na kame.

Beso.
Babay.
Sakay sila ng jeep.
Lakad ako pauwi.

In oder yan.

Pagkauwi ko, tumunog fone ko.

1 message received.

Binasa ko yung quote galing kay Kat.

GF: "Gaano mo ko kamahal?"

BF: (Hinawakan kamay ni GF at inilagay sa loob ng brief at nagsalita)

"Ikaw ang dahilan sa bawat pagtigas nito."

ang sweet :)

Ayaw bumaba ng trip...

Share lang: Bago nga pala kame umalis sa kapihan, hiniram ko yung Reader's Digest nila. Interesting, Beijing Olympics yung cover. Pero bago ko nahiram, bumanat muna yung barista ng korni joke. Sabi nya ipapahiram daw nya saken for 3 days lang. Pag hindi ko nasauli after 3 days, may pulis na daw sa bahay namin.

Duh....

Hindi bumenta ang joke nya (at kahit sayo hindi din bebenta) pero ngumiti na rin ako. Babarahin ko sana pero mas okay kung papalampasin ko na lang. Ang bilis kase ng karma. Actually dumating na nga agad e. My karma in all its fucking glory.

KAT: "Ang burara mo kase. Gaya na lang nung Johnson buds mo, pag pupunta kame nakakalat sa sahig. Try mo kaya mag lagay ng basurahan sa kwarto mo?"

BEC: "May basurahan naman e, hindi lang ako magaling mag shoot."

...sandaling katahimikan...

BEC: "Tanginang tatay ko yan, pinalaki akong burara."

KAT: "Well, it comes naturally..."

Sapul.

Segway: I used oil pastels on this one. What I don't like about it is that they can get cakey plus they can be rough when you use them, but that all depends on the brand of course. One good brand I know sells their product per color which is quite expensive especially if you can't get enough with just the primaries. I prefer chalk pastels. A little messy but it'll pay off after gettin your hands dirty once in a while.

Bullshots

2008-08-24T02:06:00.000-07:00

My computer crashed down. I hardly able to believe that something I used for years will be wrecked overnight with just a snap of a finger. Boom. Just like that. I played Einstein and crossed the fine line between genius and stupidity. I bet your ass I wind up on the last mentioned. So I preoccupied myself with something else to compensate for such loss. Nag eksperiment ako with my second love, ang photography. Here are my bullshots:

I found this interesting definition about photography.

Photography: Something every scene/emo kid on myspace is interested in, but sucks balls at. They have tons of pictures of ugly flowers in their "photography" album on myspace. They bring their camera everywhere with them. It's really annoying because when you walk down the street with them, they take a picture of every ugly flower they see.

shet.

Campuchea

2008-08-14T21:14:00.000-07:00

I'd be gone for now. I just don't know how long this might take. Pupunta muna ako sa Campuchea at mag re-recharge ng aura. Funny how trouble always find its way to me. I'm such a helpless bitch. I know I'll get away one way or another. In the meantime, I'll just go with the flow, and ill try to have fun doing it.

Si Kid Sister

2008-08-07T23:14:00.000-07:00

Supposed to show up at my kid sister's declamation contest earlier today, pero sadly hindi ko na naabutan. I did wake up at an early hour, even prepared in advance but they started so early that I wasn't able to catch it. Shet pare sinabotahe ako.. Stuck in our house, I texted stepmom (ugh!) and told her that I was already prepared to leave. And so we agreed to meet na lang at my kid sister's kindergarden school. So there, I brought my camera, sumakay ng tricyle, binaba ng tricycle, and then waited for like 15 minutes. Mejo mainipin talaga ako, and I was already having thoughts about leaving kase parang sinasabotahe talaga ako eh.

And so they finally arrived. I didn't recognize my kid sister at first, ang payat nya! Sabi ng magaling nyang nanay e dahil daw sa kuto. Oo kuto. (ung nasa ulo mo nung bata ka pa) Parang tinadtad daw ng kuto at hinigop ang lahat ng nutrients sa katawan ni poor kid sister kaya ayun, namayat sya. Duh. As if bibilhin ko istoryang kuchero nya. Oh puhh-lease. Anyways, buti na lang si kid sister yung naka recognize saken. Haha!!! She wasn't hesistant when I grabbed her hand at dinala kung saan para picturan. It's bonding time! (shempre iniwan namin sa tabihan yung nanay nya)

So eto yung mga pics. Pinicturan ko yung ka labtim (love team. shet ur so bobo, di mo na gets) ni kid sister. Chaka yung mga bata na halata kong nag papacute sa camera na kunwari nahihiya pero hindi naman. Hindi ko na pinicturan yung mga teachers, hindi naman ako magkaka grade.

eto yung mga papansin pero rock

bong revilla and bayani agbayani in da haws

sabi ng nanay ni kid sister picturan ko daw silang dalawa. yun pala, ito ang ka labtim ni kid sister. tangina kinder pa lang may ka labtim na, tapos kinunsinti pa ng ina.tangina talaga men... ako naman si tanga, sige picture lang..

wala naman akong nakitang kuto ahh

tanauan bible church

Iniisip nyo siguro kanina pa kong kumikid sister nang kumikid sister dito, e hindi ko naman sinasabi kung ano talaga ang pangalan nya. Ang pangalan po ni kid sister e hindi kid sister kundi pola. Galing sa pangalan ng tatay naming pogi na si pol, na sa edad kwarenta mahigit e naka bingwit pa ng mejo bata bata nang kaunte. Joke and a half.

Pahabilin daw muna saken si pola.

Ano ako baggage counter?

Kase mag lalaba daw sya.

Duh.

Hindi ko ulit binili tong istoryang to. If I know, mag gi-gym lang naman sya noh o anumang ekstrakooreekoolar akteebeeteetee nya sa buhay ang gagawin nya.

Ganunpaman e hindi na ako tumanggi. Matagal tagal ko na rin naman syang hindi nakakasama simula nung na evict sila sa bahay. Hehe! So eto, bonding time ulit.

eto pinag drowing ko na lang sya

eto obvious naman na pinakain ko sya, may marka pa ng kanin sa kooshara (sosyal ako e)

eto nag me make up. nakita ko na lang sya naglalagay ng eye shadow pero blush on yung dinudutdot nya. yan epekto ng kaka labtim mo.

Redeveloped

2008-08-07T07:28:00.001-07:00

I had a blog on friendster which I used to update. I don't like the site anymore so I made a new one. Well, not really new. This was created about a year ago actually, only to be deleted after a couple of months coz I've been too lazy to bring it up to date. And now I'm webloggin here again. So far I'm liking the changes I've all put together. I already bade adieu to my old blog accounts; use this as my permanent narrative site instead. I'll see if I can give updates more often on this one.

Obviously, I reposted some of my entries. Sayang naman kase the poems and all that pare.. Haha!

So there you go.

Im on blogspot.

Tagged Myself

2008-08-07T07:04:00.001-07:00

Where is your cell phone? On my bed

Relationship? A great distance

Your hair? Long and black

Work? Can't wait

Your sister/s? Technically have one

Your favorite thing? Camera and laptop

Your dream last night? My teeth were falling off. I told my friend and she said something about death.

Your favorite drink? Water, Green Tea and Strawberry Kool Aid

Your dream car? Whatever he likes

The room you're in? My bedroom

Shoes? I'd say heels

Your fear/s? Fallen marriage. Grow old alone.

What do you want to be in 10 years? Financially stable. Settle down.

Who did you hang out with this weekend? I don't want to talk about it

What are you not good at? Talk my emotions (I always tend to suppress them). Remember things. Explain in complete details.

Muffin? Corn and blueberry muffins

One of your wish list items? Any book by F. Sionil Jose

Where you grew up? Batangas

Last thing you did? Drink water

What are you wearing? Shorts and sando

What aren't you wearing? Shoes

Your pet? Had one before. Japanese Spitz called "cotton".

Your computer? A laptop

Your life? On a quarterlife crisis

Your mood? Crushed

Missing? Blou

What are you thinking about right now? Him. What's he doing. Where's he now. What's he thinking. Things like that.

Your car? Trike at Jeep

Your kitchen? Not for me

Your summer? No great shakes

Favorite color? Green

Last time you laughed? Kanina, with kat. About this guy who looked like a dancer. We laughed our ass off! Kawawang lalake..

Last time you cried? Few days ago

School? Canossa, La Salle, Lyceum

Joke Time

2008-08-06T23:10:00.001-07:00

Sunup Suprays

2008-08-05T23:09:00.000-07:00

it made my day talaga..
ang galing pa ng timing
wala ako masabe
ang saya ko shet!
obvious naman siguro sa kulay noh?

Very Last Time

2008-08-05T23:08:00.000-07:00

I always commit mistakes. I even absurdly think I am tied with it since my emergence. Bigat noh? So if that's the case, then I should have been learning from them a long time ago. Don't you think?

On the other hand, I commit mistakes because I am inexperienced on a particular matter... We all do anyways.

Some say that there are errors in this world that we just can't avoid. I don't quite agree with it. Trust me, a number of blunders I did are completely predictable!

Learning the hard way is different from being blunt. And being blunt is sure a different story. I'd rather be the former.

Oh yes you got it, I'm blunt. I confess I do over again some wrong things that I already did. An irresistable urge in commiting one? Hindi naman siguro. Tanga lang talaga ako. Haha!

Im much more of being a hard headed, this one I strongly suppose. Nevertheless, I couldn't have forgotten that there is always a last time for everything.

because when things go overboard, I would rather stop....

and that would be the very last time.

Just Like Heaven - The Cure

Dolor

2008-08-04T23:04:00.000-07:00

an infinite blue sky,
that when he begins to darken,
reduced me to deep silence
like stone solidified

Amber and Fire

2008-08-01T22:53:00.001-07:00

now its your voice
only your voice
ringing in my ear
im strained
listening to the sound
whatever it can bring

its enough to save me
it fills my vein
so much to keep me alive
like blood and yearning

i remember you
hair limb and skin
carried by the wind
imprisoned inside my memory
shivering joy, never be freed

whirl around me
i know you're there
tear a hole,
shatter the sky
fall upon me
with your open eyes

and now we're together
in the depths of my dream
sharp fragments of light
oh they cut my skin

still it's your voice
only your voice
that awakens me with desire
raging like amber and fire

Eva Had A Haircutt

2008-06-01T04:20:00.000-07:00

FYI, Eva is our cute house maid. Even cuter when she had those freaky eyebrow bangs. Syempre para full effect, nag suot sya ng white headband na parang angel’s halo lang. Boy, she’s wearing that all the time na para bang she’s actually born with it. When I asked her if she just had a haircut, ang sabi nya hindi daw, and I tell you, she’s serious as hell. Sabagay, kung ang bangs mo e nag mumura na sa harap ng mukha mo, tapos itatanong mo pa kung nag pagupit sya, aba, masahol ka pa sa isa’t kalahating tanga. Na-in your face ako dun without a doubt. Na-imagine ko tuloy sya na nag flip ng hair nya afterwards. O diba, taray!

When I first saw Eva, I know that she liked me. Atleast I think she did. Kase naman may katamaran sya. Take this for example: Whenever she’s watching something, hindi mo sya matitinag. Nanonood sya ng tv without even blinking! Ok ok I’m exaggerating it. Sige ganito na lang, kapag nanonood sya ng tv, she’s like succumbing herself into this world far from normal, and there’s no other person in this so called world kundi sya lang at ang kanyang tv. Dagain at ipisin na ang lahat ng tambak sa lababo, wag lang nya ma miss ang pinaka aabangang halikan ni Piolo Pascual at Angel Locsin. Yun, ganun. Basta tamad sya, and it really gets on my nerves sometimes. No, most of the times pala. I remember I bawled out at her before, and since that incident happened, she’s behaving like a perfect I don’t know what. Too bad, uuwi na sya sa kanila at balak na rin namin syang palitan. Awww…

Hanga talaga ako sa kanya. Ganung klase kase yung bangs na ipapagupit mo lang kapag dinare ka ng kaibigan mo kapalit ng malaking halaga, na kahit gano kalaki e tipong mag dadalwang isip ka pa rin mag pagupit. Pero in fairviewquezon, nobody carried those freaky bangs with so much dignity the way she did. Napa hanga mo talaga ako dun! With matching tap on the back.

Pag umalis na sya samen, mamimiss ko ang bangs nya thats for sure…

...Sige na nga, pati na rin si Eva.

gulat kayo noh???

Olats

2008-05-23T22:52:00.000-07:00

Kape, yosi at buffer (lemon flavored candy po ito, tatlo-dos). Yan, yan ang trip ko. Since I’m totally useless, trip kong mag tanggal ng baga at panipisin ang bituka ko. Eto na ata yung tinatawag nilang sinfully good, parang isang pamilyadong lalake na nakikipag sex sa kabit nya. Yun, ganun ka sinful. Pero wala po akong kabit, at obvious naman na hindi ako lalake. Anyhow, patuloy ko pa rin namang pina practice ang walang kwentang teorya ng “wish stick”. Walang kwenta dahil bago ko hithitin ang nakamamatay na usok nito ay nag wiwish muna ako ng long life sabay baligtad ng sigarilyo. Kung mauuna ang pagbaliktad ng sigarilyo bago mag wish e nasa sa inyo na yun dahil hindi ko rin po alam. Hindi ko rin masasabi na ako ay naadik sa kape at yosi, at lalong hindi rin ako in denial. Siguro in between pwede pa. Sabayan na natin ng tugtuging hindi pa gas gas sa pandinig. Ganyan lang ako buong araw. Nakakatanga. Nakakabagot. Nakakapangamot ng ulo. So ano na? Shoot me, Im good as dead.

Woops teka, nag iisip ako ng plan b.

Gusto ko ng lecheng peace on earth na mejo rumarakenrol ng konte, yun lang. Hindi ko to hihilingin kay Santa cause he’s a big fat whore. Wala rin akong balak mag sorry cause I mean it. Haha, bitter?

Tangina mahal na mahal kita e!!!! Eto lang naman talaga ang gusto kong sabihin, intro lang ang mga naunang walang kwentang pinagsasabi ko!

...

2008-05-22T04:36:00.000-07:00

If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you.
When mountains crumble to the sea, there will still be you and me.

Kind woman, I give you my heart, Kind woman, nothing more.

Little drops of rain whisper of the pain, tears of love lost in the days gone by.
My love is strong, with you there is no wrong,
together we shall go until we die.
An inspiration is what you are to me, inspiration, look and see.

And so today, my world it smiles, your hand in mine, we walk the miles
Thanks to you this will be done, coz you to me are the only one.
Happiness, no more be sad, happiness....I'm glad.

Little drops of rain whisper of the pain, tears of loves lost in the days gone by.
My love is strong, with you there is no wrong,
together we shall go until we die.

If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you.
When mountains crumble to the sea, there will still be you and me.

thank you (led zeppelin cover) - chris cornell
Great cover by Chris Cornell. I just couldn't rationalize my urge to post this, basta yun na yon.

Sakit Sa Ulo Ang Mga Putang Ina

2008-05-20T04:01:00.000-07:00

1. BAWAL OMEHI DITO, ANG MAHOLI BOG-BOG TSAKA MOLTA P1000
2. DON'T PARKING
3. WANTED: BOY WAITRESS
4. PONKAN: 5 PESOS PER EACH
5. SWEAT CORN MAY LUTO
6. UKAY-UKAY MORE ON THE 2ND FLOOR (UPSTAIRS)
7. SORRY WE'RE CLOSE LUCH BRAKE
8. NO URINATING OVER THE WALLS ---- pano to???

Gusto ko sanang mag iwan ng komentaryo dun sa number 8 kaso naisip ko na mas maganda kung yang maduduming imahinasyon nyo (natin pala) na lamang ang bahalang humusga. Pasintabi na lang ho sa mga tinamaan...

Verily

2008-05-07T03:35:00.000-07:00

It was something queer to human nature, like a tranquil blow by a tempting wind, even stronger than her innate conceitedness. It was a trap that she could not let go once she had bitten. Indeed a feeling has founded her without her having to look for it. But like a speed of something unseen, she felt wounded by the contradictions. Nevertheless, she's not weak to stop for she's too strong to go any further. He's the only thing that delights her upon waking up, and certainly the only thing that was going to interest her during the months and years to follow. And as her desire to be with him grew, so is the fear of losing him. Still and all, she knows that her heart were no longer quipping amidst this bright blue labyrinth.

Respect Begets Respect

2008-04-04T03:37:00.000-07:00

I don't do hate posts but this one guy really pissed my ass off. Read on man and let me school you.
Dont talk shit about people whom you don't know about. Speak with undeniable respect and not with outbursts of profanity. Do it all the time if you don't want to be bitched by another. Remember: An unerring sense of civility is what keeps us humane.
And I'll tell you this: NOTHING especially NO ONE can douse my euphoria, got that?
BTW, you really got my creative juices flowin. Thanks bron.

Dumbfounded

2008-03-01T03:38:00.000-08:00

I was shocked when a wedding picture of a long lost high school friend is displayed on the wall of some digital photography studio. I can still remember what the friendly photgrapher told me when I shrieked out from disbelief: "Kilala mo sya? Kame ang nag cover ng wedding nya sa Canyonwoods." I was puzzled. I know for a fact that Canyonwoods is a very posh place located somewhere in Tagaytay, a posh place indeed to hold a wedding. I just let out a smile. A HS friend, now an engineering student , is already married and now starting a family with his Ateneo-Law school student wife. All these I learned from a friendly digital photographer during an unplanned visit to his studio.
How time really moves like a winged warm-blooded vertebrae. Reality check suddenly came in, and it was knocking my head off with this question: Am I living a life that is far beyond and less advanced than theirs, or they are just too early getting on to something that should take place at a time somewhere in the near future?
I have nothing against those who are getting married/was married at an early age. It's just that I am amazed how easily they have found a love that would be shared for a lifetime, a kind of love that does not occur more than once in a person's existence.
Kudos to you guys, keep the babies comin'! Hehehe!

Caffeine Overdose

2008-02-28T03:39:00.000-08:00

More than a day of no physical contact with my friends is already considered "a long while", which means a serious catching up is vehemently required. Doing something over a cup of coffee is our main compensatory method, so I indulged myself with an upsized caffe latte. In between smelling and sipping the hot beverage made from the ground beanlike seeds of a tropical shrub, I know from the back of my head that this social satisfaction will soon backfire. Then it actually did! The clock now spits 5:02 in the morning. A new day unfolded before my tired eyes and I still haven't got myself some well-deserved sleep perfectly fitted for the night that had silently departed. Hence the new profile layout accompanied by a blog entry. Blame it on my caffeinated culprit.
TECHNICALITIES:
Indulge is such a sinful word
Upsized Dairymoor coffee is about the size of a grande Starbucks coffee (mahina pala ako)
Rough estimation: A venti sized coffee would serve me best for 2 days
Mellow Indie is hitting my playlist:
Are We Different? by Priscilla Ahn
Morning Lullabies by Ingrid Michaelson
and 'cors Magic by Sino Sikat?

Mikaela

2008-02-19T22:50:00.000-08:00

A flower of late bloom she is,
Like a bud that will blossom behind her years.
When all of the other buds sprung into beautiful flowers,
She remained a bud for years.
A mother's hand will help her grow,
With patience that should be forever in flow.
For she will be a flower in her own perfect time,
A flower more special than a gold digger's mine.

A poem I made for Mikee, my cousin who was diagnosed with Congenital Hypothyroidism when she was just a year old. She turned five recently. Happy Birthday Mikaela Anne!

About Me

2008-01-04T22:47:00.000-08:00

I am a procrastinator like you who recently bought a planner. As much as I love spontaneity, I don't like to live with it. I'm just 21 and I know I'm still young, but I believe I'm not getting any younger. I like conversing with different people: the deep and the not-so-deep ones. I try to stay connected with the persons whom I think are sensible because I know I'll learn something from them. Im blunt, and making the same mistake twice will probably leave me doing the same thing the third time before I finally learn. I made so many mistakes in my life but those won't justify who I truly am because I believe there is always a room for change. I speak what's on my mind. I don't know it all but I speak only the things that I know about. I work effectively when I'm alone. I find peace in isolation but at the same time, I enjoy the company of my friends. I love my family and friends and I miss the ones that are not here with me, and I know I'll be missing the ones that I'll be leaving soon. I sometimes go to school without getting any make-up and a bath, but that doesn't mean I don't care about my looks. I believe everybody has a blood called "vanity" in their veins. As much as I love photography, I still don't have enough time and money to learn it. I drink, I smoke, I party. I don't want to be so heavenly-minded that I'm no longer earthly good. I'm not always serious but I know when to stop the fun. I don't believe in kissing-ass cause I don't even kiss mine. I do my thing, and I don't care what people think or say. Words can't kill, and what doesn't kill you will make only make you stronger. My spirit is not competitive but I know I have a strong one. I'm pretty much candid but I still love to leave a trace of mystery.